I am convinced that we are eternal beings, and that life on this physical Earth is a kind of laboratory. It seems clear to me that the data we are collecting in our experiment is “who we are”.
I recognize so many times in my life where I saw someone make a decision, and I thought, “Oh, if I were in their shoes, I would do this instead.” Only to find that when I was faced with the same decision, if I didn’t make the same choice that I had judged as wrong, the choice I made was something I had never previously imagined before.
Early in my walk of faith, I read how the disciple, Peter, had said that even if he had to be put to death, he would never deny Jesus. Then within hours, he denied him repeatedly, and calling curses on himself as evidence. I thought “How could he?” After a few years, I began to read the shortcomings and betrayals of the people, and I began to think, “How are we so easily led off course?”
I am learning that the more I identify with my potential to behave in unimaginable ways, the more I am aware that I have to own my choices. At the same time, it develops compassion within me when I see the failings of others.
I don’t know if this thought has any kind of basis in reality, but it helps me to picture it as though my eternal self watches from the spiritual realm, in the presence of our creator. I imagine a dialogue before I was born, where my creator asked “When you look at the world, what do you see? What does the world need? What would you do if you had the opportunity?” I imagine I said, “I see the world full of people in pain and confusion, most simply trying to survive until they die. They seem to need to know that the physical life is not all that there is. They need to know beyond belief that they are worthy of love, and that they have love to share with others. I am willing to go into the physical realm of pain and confusion, and share the love that I know here. I will be an example and a cultivator of love in the world.” So I was born. And by the time I had the ability to do anything for myself, much less anyone else in the world, I was struggling to simply survive.
As the years went on, I sensed glimpses of longing for that belief that I was worthy of love, and the desire to share it with the world.
Now, at 51 years old, I have been clearing out loads of clutter from my path, and I am seeing this vision becoming clear to me. This is how I hope to live before I die.