Reach Out

Eric Curtis

The last couple posts have been a struggling attempt to reach out for support.

I have recently lost a primary support, and I don’t have adequate backup.

The pain is intense, and I am not handling it well. I realize this approach is not likely to have a beneficial outcome, but this is where I go when my next best supports tell me that I should just be angry, while that is not what I am feeling.

Published by Eric Curtis

I had struggled all my life to become acceptable. It brought me misery. Self-compassion taught me to take an honest look at myself, and now I truly rejoice in being perfectly imperfect. This is the beginning of me taking a look at the things in life that cause me pain, and often seeing how I had misunderstood. I never imagined that embracing my faults and shortcomings could bring so much joy. It's good to be me. =)

13 thoughts on “Reach Out”

  1. Eric- I’m here. I will listen. I care. You are an amazing person. If I can support you in any way, say the word. I’m sorry you’re in pain right now- I’ll start by praying for you. Tell me what the next step is.

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    1. Hi Sue, thank you for your support and compassion. ❤
      Next step – good question!
      What moves your life from surviving to living?
      What gift do you wish you could give to the world?
      I desire to connect people through their gifts and voids.

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      1. Let’s see, surviving to living. I struggled with this for quite some time because I had significant depression and had no interests in anything. I wanted to want to do things, I had the resources and the time but it all felt flat, regardless of what I tried. Eventually it took medication and I became interested and even excited to do things again (if you are going to be vulnerable and honest here, then so will I 😊). I will say that getting there meant admitting to a professional just how bad I felt and that was very hard- no one wants to be around sad people so our norm is to keep it covered.
        When the medication kicked in, suddenly I wanted to do things. I wanted to go places. Living for me is learning and my favorite way to do that is through travel. To see how other people live- just to go to another part of the country and go into a restaurant and eavesdrop on conversations, see what is normal for them to eat, drive by their houses, pick up a real estate guide and say omg, look what $300k buys you here! I love to get away and I love to come home to my own home.
        Awhile back we were headed to Hawaii and decided to try a hostel and it was the best experience. It was all the things you travel for brought together under one roof. This hostel was mostly younger kids (20s) but there were also olders, like a couple who were there for a few days because they liked the hostel environment and were going to check into the Sheraton later that week, because they also liked room service. The youngers were so full of life and ready for adventure- they had plans of where they were headed next. One was one her way to work in Yosemite, one to work in Alaska. One ran out of money and slept on the beach, showering at the local pool and charging her phone at Starbucks. We have stayed in hostels whenever possible, ever since. In a hostel in England I met a wonderful man who said that he thought that Trump was a good person, he just needed to grow up. Then he gave me some chicken.

        Anything that brings us together is living. I’m actually really bad in social situations so I have to do the things that I can- pick out the really fertile environments, that go at a pace that is right for me. We are more alike than we are different.

        My gift to the world. I kind of see my role in life as a supporting player. In any situation there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes. I think I’m just a person who helps fill in gaps. My little mantra is that I can’t save the world but I can take care of my little corner of it. I will continue to do what I can.

        So that’s me.

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  2. Eric! Glad you’re reaching out! Hopefully wordpress will notify me if you reply here but thank you for being vulnerable & hope things improves soon! & thanks for being vulnerable too Sue!

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  3. Sue, thank you for sharing your story.

    It’s becoming clear that life doesn’t offer security, so I might as well take risks for what I enjoy. It may be costly, but so is the illusion of security.

    I am also giving up on crafting my speech. I had always tried to prevent others from misunderstanding. They misunderstand anyway. My filters have been my cages. They don’t seem to keep me safe, as a shark cage would, rather simply restrict me and keep me from receiving.

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    1. Spill it, my friend. Misunderstandings seem to be inevitable. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thrown things out, intending only good, and it is misinterpreted as the opposite.

      Eric, you’re an exceptionally kind person. Not everyone knows what to do with that. We are used to having our guard up and questioning motives and we default to our comfort zone, even when faced with something better sometimes. We would be far better off if we could accept kindness in the manner that it’s offered. But who the heck wants to be that vulnerable??? Or more accurately, who is able?

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